You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
