It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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