Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
