New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
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