Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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