Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
