I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You were trust falling into bushes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
