I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
