u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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