I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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