Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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