The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
