hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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