You can't motorboat a personality
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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