Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
