How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
