what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
