I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize