i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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