dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Come on in and take your pants off
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