it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
