I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
