he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
