i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
