tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When did angry sex become our thing?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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