I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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