i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
