You can't motorboat a personality
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
