Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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