her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
