oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
