I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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