honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
