I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
