He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
