I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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