STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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