he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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