fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
