Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
