The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
