She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
