I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
