There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
