I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
