my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
