So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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