you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
