i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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