In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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