NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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