We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize