remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
