he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
