Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
