Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
