Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You were trust falling into bushes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
