Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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