If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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