I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
