I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
