Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
