I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
