My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
