where am i from again
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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