just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
