didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
