When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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