I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
