2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
