can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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