someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
