My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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