i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
