I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
