During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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