Is it normal to miss your booty call?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
