My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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