hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
