shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize