Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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