i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
