Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
