i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My cat gives me a boner
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
