Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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