I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
