I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
