Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have tasted many bathrooms
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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