You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
