The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
